Playing a Dead Guy Probably Fits Me.
Posted: Monday, June 01, 2009
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
Well, this weekend I'm in that cemetery walk I told you all about.
I imagine it is time to look at the script and try and get in my mind the information I am supposed to tell people. As a school kid, I never studied for a test until the night before and it looks like I haven't stopped that bad habit yet. I read the script out loud to my wife and son, using the German accent they recommended I try. My son said I sounded more Austrian than German. My wife said I sounded like a hillbilly so I'm pretty sure I'm throwing out using any accent outside of a bit of Chicago twang I still have in me.
The guy was about my age when he was killed by bank robbers but he had more grey hair than me.
I'm figuring a little dab of shoe polish will take care of that. He also had those silly, long chin whiskers but nowhere else on his face and I still have to figure that one out. I could brush my cat Smirky and get a ton of white hair but it probably won't be long enough to look authentic.
An old house mop looks about right if I can figure out how to cut the mop strands into thinner pieces. I imagine just duct taping the mop head to my chin won't go over well with the people running this event.
Since my character was bonked on the head, I could just go and get some ace bandages and wrap my face like a mummy and tell everyone my research shows the dude was smacked all over his head with the blackjack. A little catsup and I'm good to go with that costume.
I didn't go and order anything from the costume place so I either need to go to the local college's theater department or ask my neighbor who is about 150 years old if I can borrow one of his old coats. I need a long tailed jacket and I am thinking of maybe taking my old jacket and adding a tail on from some other similarly colored garment. But I can't sew and my wife says she won't help me look foolish since I'm the kind of guy who would tell everyone she made the really bad coat for me.
I also need to figure out how I will remember all this stuff since I seem to not have any inkling right now to study the script. There again, I'm sure my "winging" it won't sit well with everyone.
There is also the logistics of getting to the cemetery since the one I thought it was isn't the one the walk is at. I know I can ask someone but since it should be one of those things I readily know, I haven't yet. It's bad enough I don't have a costume and don't know my script but to not even know where I am supposed to walk around pretending I'm a dead guy should have me starting to get a little nervous..
I have thought of just putting on some old clothes, popping my teeth out and putting an old deflated basketball on my back. I could then tell everyone I'm the old cemetery watchman and the ghost got mad at Fak and whisked him to the nether world for jacking around with his story. I can do a real good Boris Karloff voice impersonation so at least I have this idea as another out.
Whatever I decide I have only a few days to get it handled. Otherwise I'm going to be as dead as the guy I'm portraying after this debacle.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Zombies are nice also :PThanks Maxium. I fogot about zombies. That might be perfect since they don't talk.Mike
Good luck with that Mike. We'll be dying to hear all about it. :)Oh that's nasty using that pun on me.I will let you know how it comes out.Mike
It all seems so deliciously macabre.Maybe for the dead people. But since I only have one foot in the grave this is a spooky event for me. OopsMike"Oops?"Are you allright, Mike?Thanks Ken. The oops was an aside that I might slip into the grave. I'm as alright as a beat up 61 year old can be.Mike
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