The Things That Frost Me the Most.
Posted: Thursday, May 28, 2009
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
I have been pretty much a namby pamby lately with what I have been writing so I think it's time to let my curmudgeonly side come out a bit. A lot of things in this world frost my kiester but I only have so much time so here are a few of my biggest "Just how stupid are you people?" gripes.
The other day, I got a notice from a lender that they had closed all offices throughout the U.S.
The other day at the Super Wal-Mart store I saw another idiot just let his shopping cart go blowing in the wind through the parking lot. What is ridiculous is that within twenty feet was a spot for carts but this jerk couldn't even move his fat butt that distance to be considerate of others. I think every city should create a parking lot police force and ticket the jerks that can't put their cart in the cart stalls. They could also issue tickets for dummies who can't park within the yellow lines at a lot too. I think ticket fees from just these two segments of inconsiderate dolts could cure many a city's budget woes.
I am getting tired of junk e-mailers that aren't content to just bother me once. They have to keep coming back starting out their blurb about their worthless garbage with the phrase, "Quite frankly, we are surprised you haven't contacted us in regards to our helping your website gain millions of readers. I am having fun now sending them back an e-mail telling them, "Quite frankly, according to Alexa, your own website has fewer hits than mine so who are you crapping?"
I am getting tired of all these companies sending out fake press releases to me at the paper. I get at least a dozen a day and all they are, are attempts at getting free advertising. I'm fixing these bothersome pests too. I'm sending back an e-mail telling them how much we would charge to run their advertisement and to please notify me of any newspaper in the country who is dumb enough to run their stuff. At least that gets me off their list.
I want to know the idiot source that is giving out our English language e-mail addresses to all the pests in foreign lands. It's bad enough to be bothered with junk in English but now there is a whole new wave of stuff coming in Arabic and Chinese and Italian and every other language except Klingon. I'm getting back at these people by sending a reply in Microsoft Wing Dings script. Let them feel what its like to get indecipherable garbage in their e-mail.
I'm getting tired of commercials on television. I am a remote control freak and no matter what channel I change to, there are commercials on. I left the remote alone the other day and found out the reason I always run into commercials is because there are no programs on television anymore. It's all commercials.
I'm also getting tired of all these ridiculous infomercials. There are the ones that promise extreme weight loss while eating a bucket of Colonel Sander's chicken. Then there are the ones where you can buy half the homes in America with no money down. Or the ones that tell you they have the secrets of making millions on the internet. Yeh, you can make millions by getting idiots to send you money for your worthless advice on how to make millions. What frosts my butt is that the stations are allowed to present a disclaimer saying the lies being told are not their fault and that they have nothing to do with these scam artists. Yes they do. They took money to allow people to be swindled. That's aiding and abetting a crime in my book. Why haven't these station managers been sent to jail along with the sellers of this hogwash?
I also feel like running those idiots off the road who just open their car window and throw bags of crap onto the highway. I can just imagine what their homes look like if they have such total lack of civilized behavior that they think the whole world is their private junkyard. I would like to go to their homes with a garbage truck that's full and just dump it right out on their front lawn. But I'm willing to bet their front lawns already look like a garbage truck was dumped there.
Well, that's enough. I feel a little better having vented. I think I will go out now and pat some kid on the head and rub some mangy dog's belly. I hope I don't get those two things backwards. The way some kids' appearances are nowadays, it's hard to tell them apart. But that's a gripe for another day.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)You go Mike! I love your 'curmudgeonly side'. It's a crazy world we live in. Just so you know, those pet peeves you mentioned, I'm with ya on all of them. And I happen to know, Colonel Sander's chicken and extreme weight loss do not go hand in hand. :)I did get exhausted eating a hundred chicken wings once. Thanks for the agreement. There are so many knuckleheads to vent at and so little time.Mike
Hi Mike.Hey! Thanks for the Wing Ding idea. That's absolutely priceless! And I'm with Brianna, too. You've covered some of my big pet peeves. Gripe all you want. We need the honesty.Loved it,DianneYeh the wing ding is one of my favorite get back at you practical jokes.Thanks for stopping byMike
You make a great curmudgeon, Send them wing dings? An awesome idea! Klingon spam? It just gets better!
anonymous rexThanks Rex. It has taken me years to find my curmudgeonly side but I am moving it to an art form as I go on.Mike
hi mike,there are obviously enough pet peeves to go around for everyone.in this day and age, it's not even prudent or safe to confront the jerk in front of you, while you are stopped at a light, after watching them just throw their lunch onto the highway.my worst pet peeve is watching a mom grab her kid roughly while pushing a shopping cart.i want to...well, you know.thanks for sharing what we can all relate to,my best regards,sueYep, Sue I feel the same way...but these are the kind of idiots who would shoot you and think they had a legitimate reason.Mike
I feel better now, too! Thanks!!Glad to hear it Jean. I will forward you my bill for services rendered.Mike
Excellent job, Mike. You've voiced the frustration of millions.Just this morning I saw a lady mow down a shopping cart that had been left a few feet in front of her car. I had never seen a car hit a cart before!Those knuckleheads are all over the place Ken. They need to be arrested.Mike
Mike! Mike! Mike! The outsourcing of jobs is definately one of mine. Although I'm afraid I understand it a little differently than most people. I blaim our government primarily. I mean it was business decissions definately that started it all, but with demands from our governemtn that killed most small business and empowered evil empires like Wal Mart. But you have to look at it form a money making stand point. On a US worker an employer has to pay social secoriety and medicare matches, workers comp, federal and state unemployment, has to have a huge amount of other liability based insurance policies, give out life insurance, medical, optical and dental benefits, paid leave for disablitly, vacations, fmla, plus our wages are relatively high and we have limits on how many hours a person is permitted to work, tuition, and retirement accounts assistance, and or accounts, and in many cases union bosses demanding even more. And I could go on. I'm not saying an employer taking part in some of these expences is bad but you have to look at it through their eyes. If an employer can spend $50 an hour on labor or $5 for outsourcing which one is better for business? Plus Americans have become very lazy and almost angry at their employers. Everyone thinks the boss makes too much, has enough to give them more and feels intitled to darn near anything imaginable. Now we have a new problem and that is that our govenrment has indebted the next several generation of our country to China and other countries by selling them our debt to keep the luxurious American way of life alive for us today. The US is practially owned by China now and we have tried to take back some of our jobs or threatened to make legislation to bring some back and these countries who have been providing for us are preventing such a thing with friendly threats of demands for repayment of moeny we do not have. One of my pet peves (as a patriotic business person) is how people always jump and blaim business for our job losses and pretty much everything else. I do think big business has it backwards looking too hard at money making. I find that if I look to meeting the needs of my customers that money just happens all on its own, (not a lot, but enough) and I don't have to worry about it too much. If we want jobs back we need to take control back from our government and decide as individuals what our needs, goals, and work availibility is. If someone wants or has to work fiifteen hours a day at the same job, more power to them. If they don't like it, they can change it themselves or get trained in another vocation or somthing. Get the governemnt and all these government agencies out of things and our jobs will come back and small businesses will will be able to make money again, which has brought the US great success in the past. So there's my rant.All good points Laura. The real problem is we can't have a world economy when one country can have their people live well on ten bucks a week and then we can't compete with them.ThanksMike
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