The Things You Can Find Under Your Office Desk.
Posted: Monday, April 06, 2009
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
It's almost Easter week and that means the Fak family in Lincoln is in clean-up mode.
We host this holiday weekend and that means we will have family from far and wide coming for the weekend.
It also means we have to get the house all straight and clean and that is where my wife excels and I fail
Now my wife is a very clean person: very tidy and orderly. I on the other hand have been placed in the Slobs Hall of Fame.
I am pretty good at clearing off the two desks from time to time but the real problem with my lack of neatness is the underside of those desks.
There, amidst a jumble of computer, FAX, scanner and other wires, evil lurks waiting for me to exorcise it before it grows bigger than I.
This year as I crawled amongst the tangle of wires I found many things besides just dirt.
I found enough loose change to buy a twelve pack of beer. Change seems to grow in my house and I found plenty on the floor, under waste baskets and under printers and scanners.
I found in a bag of old books two new shirts I got as a birthday present: two years ago.
I found a lost note with an issue that I needed to call about from the summer of 2007.
I found enough cigarette butts to fill a pack. Sadly none of them were worth lighting.
I also found a barf from Jackson my cat that had started to grow a few wild mushrooms. I'm saving them for the Easter day salad.
I found three wires that weren't hooked to anything. I'm not sure what they were for but everything works except the downstairs toaster oven so I pulled them out of the rat's nest of wires that are under my computer desk.
I found a dozen Lotto tickets from several years ago and since they have expired I don't dare look them up to see if I would have been a millionaire if I wasn't such a slob.
I found two pairs of reading glasses, a dozen pens, a staple puller, a hammer and a screwdriver.
Why the hammer and screwdriver, I have no idea.
I found a chunk of Sesame Chicken that might be what made Jackson barf. I didn't know it but it appears Sesame Chicken grows tentacles after it sits for a year or two.
I found several discs that have programs on them, some from programs I didn't even know I bought.
Of course there was a ton of dirt that I had to wipe up with an old washrag and when I was done the rag wasn't even suitable for the garbage bag.
No doubt the most telling thing I found that proves I'm a slob is that I found a homeless person under a pile of books and papers. He said under the rights of the Homestead Act that he had the right to stay since he had been there for seven years without contestability. The guy was fat and thanked me for all the food I dropped under the desks all these years.
The task of cleaning was daunting but I sit here very proud of my job. I did it the right way for a change which even my wife approved of.
In celebration I went with that change and did buy a case of beer. The homeless guy has asked if I would share and I might. After all the guy does have rights and I don't want to lose possession of my desk in court.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Hi Mike.I was with you until the homeless guy. Frankly, I'm afraid to look under my computer desk or beading desk. I tend to file things under the both of them that I don't know what to do with. On second thought, maybe I should look.Thanks for the fun,DianneThanks Dianne. You never know out in that desert climate. You might have a nest of scorpions or something.Mike
I bought a credenza so I could close the door when company comes. It works great. Thanks for the laughs.Linda DI had one of those. But I filled it with so much junk, I called it a CRUDenza.ThanksMike
Too funny! Loved your article!Thanks Brianna.Thanks for stopping by.Mike
What a hoot Mike!I could just see it...and here I worry about a bit of dust because I am married to Mr. Clean.Thanks for the laughs and have a wonderful Holiday.NancyThanks Nancy you have a marvelous Easter too.Mike
I think most men are not spick-and-span so its only normal in this situation. Very funny discovery!Thanks Hilda. I am as far from Spic and Span as a human can get.In fact on a box of those pads there is a disclaimer that they don't guarantee they can work on one of my messes.Mike
Seems maybe the "guy" was not at all "homeless!"Yep Ken. He is pretty happy especially now that he has beer priviledges.Mike
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