Looking At Business Opportunities In the Stop-Smoking Industry
Posted: Thursday, April 02, 2009
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
Yeah, I'm not even one day into the nicotine-free world and already thinking of how I can turn my misery into moola. There are hundreds of products and books and gizmos on the market that are stop-smoking aids, but I don't think most of them work very well. If they did, by now the field of potential clients would have dried up, wouldn't it?
I also plan to figure out how to inject nicotine into various foods that no one has thought of yet. Yes, there is nicotine gum, but there could be so much more. There could be nicotine lollipops, nicotine-flavored beer -- I'll bet that will be a winner -- also steak, eggs, chicken, all with a nice dose of nicotine.
I will figure out how to freeze-dry nicotine so a person can put it on their foods. I can just see restaurants with salt, pepper and nicotine shakers on all the tables. I'm sure eventually I can come up with a nicotine cookbook after people start trying my foods in various measures and ways.
I can see me holding seminars on how I quit. It might be several sessions long, as I will have to explain the 40-year process. I could come out with an abridged version, I imagine. I could title it "The 40 steps to quitting cigarettes." It would be -- Step one, year one: smoke. Step two, year two: smoke. Step three, year three: smoke, etc.; until I get to Step 40, year 40: quit.
I figure I might have to throw some comedy into that speech or it might get a little boring.
There are companies that make wooden fake cigarettes, and I can see how they can help with the hand-to-mouth habit of a smoker. The problem is, they are way overpriced. So I will start my own factory. All I need is a bunch of three-eighths-inch dowel rods and a saw to cut them into four-inch-long lengths. Then I spray paint them white and I can sell them for a buck apiece.
Now the companies that charge as much as $19.95 for these wooden cigs claim that they use a safe, nontoxic paint and that adds to their price, but that is bogus. Anyone who spent years sucking down methane isn't going to worry about a little paint here and there, unless I use that old lead paint I still have around. I might even get fancy and offer non filter, filter and even menthol-looking wooden cigs.
Maybe I should package them with some kind of signature stamp on the side like Mikey's Smokes. I could even have an ad campaign and go national, but I fear then the government might get involved if I become too well-known. I can just see "60 Minutes" coming to the house because my wooden cigarettes have been found to cause splinters in laboratory rats.
All in all, I think I have found my chance at really hitting the mother lode of financial independence. Who knew all I had to do was quit a miserable habit that now is making me miserable since I quit.
I have to go now. The semi truck of dowel rods just pulled up. I also ordered a van of illegal immigrants to work the saws. I have to keep my costs down, you know.
Just because I will be saving almost three grand a year by not buying smokes doesn't mean I should just throw money away. I did that for 40 years, I guess. We will see eventually if I threw something else away in those years of smoking: me.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Mike.Yeesh! Are we a little cranky, maybe? :) :)Seriously, it sounds like your coming along just fine. Loved the article. I didn't know anyone made wooden cigarettes. Each time my mom tried to quit, she just sucked on carrots all day long. Granted, that would be more like a cigar, but she would eventually eat them and that wasn't a bad thing.DianneThanks Dianne. I tried licorice but after eating two pounds of it I knew that wouldn't work.Mike
Mike,Good luck on not smoking, I haven't smoked a cig in about thirty years.That said, I'm tired of hearing all the BS about second smoke. Whem I was born, 66 years ago, every one in my family smoked. Therefore I inhaled a lot of smoke, still remember riding in cars and could hardly see out the windoes for all the smoke. Last January I had a chest exray, nothing showed up on my lungs. So do I have cancer? I wish people would understand some people get cancer, some don't.My Father, Grandmpother and Aunt all died of cancer, my Father ask the Doctor if smoking caused his cancer, the Doctor said he didn't think so. My Granmother never smoked a cig or drank in her life, so why did she have cancer?I will say I have smoked a pipe for over thirty years and I still workout 4-5 times a week, work six days a week and ride a bike.Again good luck!!JimYep Jim. Genetics plays a role but putting smog inside us can't be good.Mike
I don't know how many times or methods I used to try to quit and it only took me about 35 years. It has been 10 years now and I am still amazed I was finally able to quit. I had to do it one day at a time and when I wanted to smoke I had to acknowledge that and then tell my self I did not want to be sick anymore. Finally took. Good luck on your journey.Linda DeWittGood for you Linda.I would say with ten years you are officially a non-smokerMike
Mike,Sorry, I forgot to sign my last name, GRIFFIN.Jim Griffin
Nicotine flavored beer? That would be a hoot watching somebody trying to hold the can between two fingers!!Classic Mike Fak! Awesome!Yep, there is also the concept of beer flavored cigarettes. That could be a hit too.ThanksKenMike
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