Remembering Some of My Aerial Disasters.
Posted: Monday, March 23, 2009
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
Well, it is officially spring and I am overjoyed that winter seems to be gone. Unlike last year, I am mentally ready to tackle all those projects I didn't do last year.
Painting, roof, gutters, all didn't get done last year as I either was running around everywhere or sitting and typing the summer away.
I make these resolutions every spring of course. But this year I will keep them as the older I get the higher that roof gets and the steeper the pitch seems to be. I also can't carry the forty foot ladder around like I used to so I know an early jump on projects is needed if I am to get things repaired and fixed around here.
Last year, you may recall I got into a serious, anal retentive mode over the garden and I think part of that is the garden is at sea level and the missing shingles I need to replace are at 36 feet above sea level.
Thinking of heights reminds me of a few of my more humorous trips into aerial disaster as a young man in the building trades.
I remember once painting a split foyer home and I was on the ladder at the two story level when I reached out too far and had the ladder slip out from under me and fall away. The only thing I could do was to grab the gutter. And just like that I started to pull the gutter off the eave and slowly fall to Earth. I could hear the, plink, plink, plink of the gutter straps breaking as I came to a soft landing on the ground. I also, with twisted gutter in hand, remember that at that exact moment the homeowner, graciously opened up the patio door to give me a glass of iced tea and I will never forget the look on her face as she saw me take the tea, still holding the gutter in the other hand. The only thing I could think of saying was, "Not many leaves in the gutter, that's good."
Another time I recall trying to paint a hard to reach area just past where I could place the extension ladder on a Victorian home. I stood up on the second floor railing and was dabbing paint into the soffit area when I heard a chiching sound. Every time I put the brush into the cracks the chiching sound came back. On about the fourth dab of paint a bat fell out of the eave and landed on my shoulder. The little guy wasn't happy as its whole face was a dark green. I also wasn't happy as I had a brush in one hand and the other hand was holding onto the window trim to keep from falling. Slowly I pulled myself back as the tiny Dracula inched himself towards from jugular vein. I made it to safety obviously and after a bath with the hose the bat took off.
For a few years there were stories of a green faced bat flying around town banging into things. I fear I must have messed up his sonar but he should have known I paint it all when I paint, even creatures hanging on the house.
One last remembrance is when I was staining a previous house I owned with red siding stain. I slipped off the ladder and landed on my back about fifteen feet later. The bucket of stain landed on my chest and with the air knocked out of me, I wasn't sure if I was covered in stain or blood.
I remember my old cat Murphy sitting next to me as I gasped for air. She had her ears pinned back and seemed to have a look that said, "Oh man, will you be able to fill my food bowl before you die?"
I actually have several more ladder disasters but I think you get my drift. You also might see why I found it so easy to skip doing the roof repairs last year. Oh for one good excuse to skip them again this year.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Hi Mike.My husband hates ladders. Heights really freak him out. He could probably sympathize with you.I love the bit about the bat. Made me laugh out loud and scare our cat who was sleeping beside me. I would have loved to see that! The bit about the gutter slowing your fall is priceless, though. I thought that only happened in the movies.Great story and thanks for the chuckles.DianneThanks Dianne. I keep looking for a green faced bat at night but so far no luck. Glad it brought a chuckle.Mike
Your story made me think of the old Dick Van Dyke movies!! Funny stuff, Mike, especially the gutter!!Thanks Ken. The older gutters actually had some tin in them and were nailed with straps to the roof. I imagine the new, thinner, flimsier ones would have just come off with me and I would have another broken leg story to tell.Mike
Mike,Are you any relation to Chevy Chase? Gosh, you made me laugh! Your description of the gutter was priceless and green bats?Seriously now, have you ever considered writing for Hollywood?Thank you for a wonderful article and my first laugh of the morning.NancyThanks Nancy. I appreciate the kind words.Hollywood is too busy having their friends write really bad scripts than to actually look outside their world for anything including old men who sometimes can make a person laugh.Mike
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