More of the Things I Hate About Television
Posted: Monday, January 26, 2009
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
It never fails when I go to a family member's house. I go to turn on their television and nothing happens. Usually there are three or four remotes lying around and being a manic person, I proceed to press every single button trying to just turn the set on. After submitting that I have failed, someone shows me the multi-step process to turn on their collaboration of programming. They then leave me to my own devices so when I try to change the station, something else goes kaflooey and that starts the entire process over.
Since we are on the topic, here are some other things that drive me nuts about television.
The universal remote you bought works on every television in the universe except yours.
After not being able to find anything to watch on my 60 channel package I bought the 200 channel package and still can't find anything to watch.
I only enjoy three programs and now they are all on the same night in the same time slot on three different channels.
After I stay up late to watch the end of a favorite movie, I find out the next day it is on again in the afternoon.
In the event you hit one of those unknown keys on your remote and you screw up the television, it takes a full day to figure out what you did.
Not being able to find the remote causes a panic attack. I usually find it in the refrigerator, inside the cold cut package.
Every time I invest my time in a mini-series or full season of a running story program, in the last minutes when everything is about to be wrapped up, the emergency network takes over to tell me this is a test. If they do it one more time they will be having an emergency as I drive over there and start playing with all their remote buttons.
The weather people always make sure their stupid, intrusive grids cover up the scoreboard on any game I am watching.
Every news channel always has the same news story and they run it over again and again and again.
When I click away from a show because of commercials, I forget what channel it was on and by the time I find it there are commercials on again.
As I lay in bed trying to sleep, a third grade memory pops into my head but I have no idea what I watched on television nor what I ate while watching.
It takes me 52 minutes into an hour show to trigger the memory that I have already seen it and didn't like the ending.
The phone only rings during the last scene of a program.
There isn't a single "reality" show on television that even comes close to reality.
The best new show of the year in my opinion always gets cancelled. The worst wins multiple Emmys.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Children make incredible remote controls if you lose yours, I've got a kid for each TV in fact. They also have the inate ability to figure out how to use the crazy remote and all the assorted buttons, another vote in favor for kids.Another funny read Mr. Fak, I enjoy evreything you write because a lot of the times it makes me feel better about my self, ha-ha.Thanks for the idea Myla. My son is too old but maybe I can train my cat.Mike
Hi Mike.Too true. All of it.I particularly agree with your last statement. Guess I'm hopelessly out of touch with the masses. :)I very much enjoyed your article.DianneThanks Dianne. Yeh, I'm almost so good at picking the wrong show to like that Las Vegas is thinking of using me to set the odds. If I pick it, they go against it.Mike
hi mike,these were great observations, and i think i've been guilty of most.i hate loosing the remote. they should include a chip in them that when you clap, they beep. i enjoyed this article.thanks for sharing,best regards,sueThanks Sue. I think the remote should be like a cell phone. When I lose it, I call it up and find out that it too is in the refrigerator with the cold cuts.Mike
Mike, I can relate to many of these myself, especially the one about hitting some unknown button and screwing up the remote.Thanks Terry. Yep, some of those buttons were put their by aliens just to jack around with us.Mike
I have this bad habit of fiddling with remote controls and removing batteries. I don't even know I'm doing it. Some friends of mine had just bought a programmable remote and had spent about a day teaching it how to control all their devices around the house. You guessed it--I removed the batteries and wiped it all.Any way, I quit watching television about two years ago.I enjoyed the article and have been reading some of your other posts. Thanks for the articles and I'm sorry you won't be posting as much in the future.
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