If I Don’t Exist, Why Must I Pay Taxes?
Posted: Thursday, September 18, 2008
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
I usually file my tax return at the last minute. It has nothing to do with procrastination. It's just that I almost always owe a little bit and I'm not giving it up until I have to. This late filing of course meant that I would probably be at the back of the bus when the economic incentive checks started getting doled out.
Well after 42 years of filing taxes, I didn't think anyone at the IRS wouldn't know me by now. Somewhere in the South Pacific there is a fighter jet I bought with my taxes, unless some kid crashed it, I would suspect. A few of my better years I believe I helped build an aircraft carrier, let alone help purchase another plane.
Now as far as the incentive check, the math was simple; my family should be getting $1200 in the mail. Since it hadn't come yet, I decided I better check what was going on since there is only one month left before this morass of paperwork with one small good piece of paper is officially over.
When I went to the IRS site, they did all they could to discourage me from checking on my check. Look at these FAQ's first they say, but I just kept hitting the buttons that said "check on your check". I will admit it was as easy a navigation as I have ever run into but that's where this story turns sour.
According to the IRS, I and my social security number are either incorrect or invalid. Yep, they say no money for Mikey because I'm not me.
Now I thought maybe there was something kaflooey with my computer so I waited till I went to work and tried again at the office. I got the same answer; invalid number.
I imagine I will have to make a call but I will need one of those special days as a call to the IRS can last for an hour or more. Usually then, someone very nice gets on the line after going through electronic voice after voice and tells you they don't have the answer you seek.
Now to be honest, I will give up the check if in fact the government wants to officially state that I don't exist. The return of no longer paying any taxes, or FICA, or SSN or Medicare would be a great tradeoff for me.
But, like I said, they just sent me a letter saying they want a little more money.
In a nutshell, the government says I exist when I owe them money but when they owe me money they tell me they never heard of me.
If that's the case, I'm going to file a writ of repossession. I want that jet fighter and aircraft carrier returned. Anyone have an idea where I can store them while this goofiness gets sorted out?
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)How about right over here in my backyard, Mike? When will one department of a government disprove the charge of "they hardly know what they're doing"? Thanks for sharing your experience with the Mighty IRS. ~mogama~Thanks mogama. I will include your back yard in the writ of repossesion. Mike
Yes Mike how can anyone prove you are who you are? You can't even prove who you are? Birth Certificate, may be forged. School transcripts, don't know they are yours. Drivers License, give me a break, how many copies please. Affidavits might be false. Yes in this age of forgery NO One and I really mean it NO One can truly prove to be who they are. They just don't tell you that. Mike I have to ask is that really your picture or is that forgery?You are so right my friend. In fact, I'm not even sure I started out as who I really am since I obviously have a bad social security number.The picture is actually that of my cat Jackson after she shaves.mike
The IRS at its finest. If you don't exist, then I think it fair that you don't pay taxes. I think they should pay you interest and penalties for the hold up on their mistakes! I guess that is a dream and I should probably just wake up.God bless you Mike.I would love any of your surmises to come true Michelle.But if I can pick just one I prefer the blessing from God.MikeAmen to that! I bet you were blessed today when you woke up.God bless always,
Great article Mike! I share your pain and Id vote for your lump check in the mail from them for the jet fighter you bought. I do not know if it is better for one to be up close and personal with them or to not exist. I really prefer not to be on a first name basis with them.Ha!We have owed and talked and have found that through the years they have not lost many battles with us. Great Writing.Thanks Nancy. Sometimes we lose because we run out of patience. Actually since I have none myself, things look dire on this one.Thanks for reading.mike
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