Are Plants People too?
Posted: Monday, April 14, 2008
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
Well I have to tell you all how the new gardening hobby is going. I think it is going really well but I fear there are some dark and troubling days ahead. I just wasn't prepared for some of the decisions I will have to make with these plants in the coming weeks. After all, I previously only understood dandelions, black nightshade and buffalo grass which my lawn has an abundance of. In fact one year when I sprayed weed killer on a portion of the lawn, I found myself with a patch of dirt and two blades of grass a week later.
All the plants in our tiny peat pots are on their way to adulthood. In fact the pole beans have become so tall, my wife and I went out and bought the bigger pots, the size of a Styrofoam coffee cup, to transfer them out of their tiny confines this weekend.
To our amazement, the bean plants had spread their roots out of their pots and had become entangled with the adjoining smaller tomato plants. In a few cases the roots had spread halfway across the bottom of the tray looking for something to drink.
We put the beans in the bigger pots, gently tied them to tiny sticks and watched as the beans within an hour started turning again towards the window looking for sun. The next morning the beans had obviously grown again but amazingly the tomato plants, now not having their nourishment usurped by the greedier bean plants had almost doubled in size. More incredible then that, due to a cold night, all of the plants, including the still tiny pansies all faced towards the center of the kitchen where the gas ventless heater keeps the chill out of the kitchen. This is starting to make me nervous. Are plants people too?
Now I will have some tough decisions in the days to come. The instructions all say that I have to pinch off many of the tomato plants, only leaving the strongest in each pot or they all will die from lack of space. But I'm not sure I can do that. I mean these are my babies. I brought them into this world from just a tiny seed and who am I to decide who lives and who dies. Besides maybe one of the smaller, frailer plants has a better attitude than the bigger ones. Maybe it will try harder to grow bigger and better tomatoes if I only just give it a chance. Who am I to decide their time on Earth is over?
I wish I knew the nature of gardening before I started. I didn't know it was such a violent hobby.
As I sit at the kitchen table this Sunday, I can see in a time lapse set of glances that the plants are spinning towards the window. All except for a few of the smaller tomato plants which are leaning towards me. They seem to be bringing their tiny leaves together as if to plead to me to spare them an ignominious ending to their young lives. One especially, seems to be following me as I walk around the kitchen.
I don't know if I can take this pressure much longer. I'm thinking of starting a shelter for tiny plants that otherwise will be pinched off and given no chance to have a productive life. Who knows how many millions of tiny plants are ripped from the ground and thrown away like trash just because they didn't start out a good as others of their kind? Why doesn't the media cover this story? Where are the support groups?
Every dandelion and chickweed in the state already knows my place is the place to go to live a full and productive life. I think I will spread the word that I also offer shelter to other plants and veggies; subject to their heads being cut off from time to time when I mow.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)Hey Mike, you haven't seen or read "The Ruins," have you?Hey Ken, is that the book where the jungle seems to come alive? I haven't read it but the carrots and pansies tell me it's their favorite book. Mike
Hey mike, I wrote a similar story once about christmeas trees and their bleak future and outlook on life. It helps if you remember the slogan from a "clean the bay" campaign that has recently aired in my area about saving some species of crab..."Save the crabs, and then eat them" You are going to eat everything you are growing anyway, right? I think getting rid of the little fellows is a better death as I'm sure they are not all that confident they are going to live anyway. The strong plants bully and pick on them daily and they probably welcome the end. You shouldn't have started a hobby that has a final goal of mass murder if you don't have the stomach for it, perhaps you should switch to flowers instead. Vegetable gardening is not for such a man with your type of sensitve nature, mike...get out now while you can still sleep! Funny as always. lolHolly smokes!! I didn't think about the fact I would be eating any of this. You are right Myla I have to quit this hobby before it's too late. I wouldn't want a bunch of tomatos on judgment day pointing their stems at me and telling everyone that I was the guy that ate them. Mike
What's the old saying... "If you can't stand the heat, get your plants out of the kitchen?" I say you're better off with beef anyway!This is just great Jean. My wife just told me the beefeater tomatoes aren't really beef. I thought I was growing pot roasts and here it's nothing more than another red squishy thing. Thanks a lot. Mike
Mike, you should become a fruitarian if you are so worried about killing tomato plants. Those on the diet claim that they will live to be over 100 years old free of any and all sickness, because common illness comes fromt the killing and cooking of plants and animals. Hope you haven't hunted down those poor small plants before reading this. Let them live. Very funny article. I have a black thumb, myself. Weeds don't even grow in my yard. Glad the gardening is going so well.Thanks for stopping by anon. Mike
I love your articles. So much humor amidst the reality. I grew up on a farm and learned very young the art of 'survival of the fittest'. At nine years old I was walking the cotton rows; thinning out the weakest of the shoots with my sharp edged hoe---no room for the squeamish in the hardened hearts of an Arkansan! Fantastic article. I loved it. I can almost hear the tiny screams of the shoots being pulled up by their tiny roots. Brings tears to my eyes. Really. SEGAnd that picture of you looks like you are so gentle. And here you are an ax murderer. Well a hoe murderer I guess. Thanks for stopping by Sandra. Go Razorbacks. Hey are they good eating? Mike
hi mike, you definitely have a clever and funny mind. thanks for sharing it with us, best regards, sue
Hi Mike, I found this after visiting some PETA group site, having read [much of] The Secret Life of Plants; have you read that? Fascinating stuff.... Thanks for your article, I can empathize. - Jennifer
Hi Mike, Your title reminded me of the movie Soylent Green. With the last line of the movie stating,"Soylent Green is People!" I laughed out loud when I read, "I didn't know it was such a violent hobby." Great article! Kimberly
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