Sometimes the News is just Funny.
Posted: Thursday, April 10, 2008
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
I have written before that I couldn't make up some of the crazy stories in the news even if I was good at being funny. These past few days are no exception. Check out these absolutely goofy bits of news for the week.
In Las Vegas, a popular on-air personality is missing from the airways and people want to know what happened. This happens from time to time but this time the missing personality is an 8-month-old Lab Puppy named L.J. It is reported that L.J.'s on-air partner and owner has stated it was the decision of the channel to take the pooch off the weather report.
Now it is not reported what the lab was demanding that caused this impasse between the dog and the station but surely if two people; I mean one person and one dog get together this can all be worked out. The station makes no bones about the fact they want the pooch to continue giving the weather especially with the dog days of summer just around the corner. The owner says the station is barking up the wrong tree if they think his client will just roll over and do what they demand.
In Cedar Rapids Iowa their ice must take serious tools to remove otherwise I can't picture how this happened. It seems a sixteen-year-old was caught burglarizing a woman's apartment and fled out a window when the woman unexpectedly slipped through the door. The young man who had stolen a cell phone, jewelry and video games was chased by the woman who just happened to have an ice scraper handy. When police arrived, the woman had the man under citizen's arrest holding him with the threat to bonk him with the ice scraper again if he moved. The man, who was treated for a scrape on his noggin, was then booked under burglary charges. The woman who told the press emphatically that ice scrapers don't kill, people kill, faces no charges for scraping this villain off the streets of the city.
If you intend to rob a bank it is always best to use your own car, steal one, or just run like the dickens. In East Point Georgia, a real genius decided to take a cab to the bank, told the cabbie to wait and came back out with a bag of loot and told the cab driver to drive him back home. The cab driver must not have bought the man's story that the reason bank guards were running out the door with guns drawn was because they were mad at him for closing his checking account. The cabbie, after a poor tip, then dropped a dime on the guy who was mesmerized that police found him before he even had a chance to spend any of the loot.
In Rapid City South Dakota a man was arrested for illegal hunting and being intoxicated. The man, who was correct that it was bow and arrow season, was incorrect with his surmise that the season was for trying to bring down a car. Police were summoned when motorists started calling in telling them a man with a bow was shooting arrows at passing cars. No one was hurt as the man was so drunk he couldn't hit the broad side of a bus which he had earlier proved. The man had a filet knife on his person and it is feared he might have been relating to the cars like we do lobsters. The outside is hard and inedible but the inside is good if you cook it right.
And finally in what must be the quote of the month, a woman was arrested after she tried to steal a boa constrictor from a pet store by shoving it down her pants. The store clerk stated, "I was more concerned for the snake than the lady". It is believed that was because the woman had just left Jake's Diner next door where she had imbibed on the Tuesday special of all the habanera chili you can eat. Authorities state the constrictor will have to be a pet from now on as its olfactory senses that would allow it to survive in the wild have been completely "shorted" out.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)hi mike, truth is stranger than fiction, and you can't even make this stuff up. funny, though. thanks for the smiles, best regards, sueThanks Sue. I'm not sure anything of mine is ironic since I have ironic poor blood. And you can take that WIT you to the bank. Thanks Mike
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