Professional Writing has its Strange Moments.
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2008
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
I want it explained I love my job as a writer. I find a great deal of satisfaction in not only what I write but in what I help others to write as well. Many of you fellow searchwarp writers understand what I mean. The concept of taking words and making them into a shared thought, good or bad, is really one of the best gifts that the good Lord has given us.
Q: Enclosed find my entire manuscript. To date I have had 80 rejections but refuse to give up. Please let me know what you think.
A: Well you certainly are a tough cookie. Most people would give up before now but I admire your tenacity. Writing books is a tough world for a new author to break into. Looking at your book I believe you need to change the comments that everyone who doesn't agree with you on each topic is an idiot. Since you have several hundred issues in the book, you have been able to honk off everyone in the world with your comments; or at least the 80 people who have told you "no" so far.
Q: I need someone to write funny horoscopes. It doesn't pay much but would you be interested.
A: Whatever sign you are the stars and the alignment of the sun and the moon tell me I don't see you getting a positive answer from me.
Q: I have to have a five source, twenty-five-page term paper written on Stalinist Russia. Do you do this type of work and if so how much would you charge
A: I would do this work but only if you let me graduate in your place since it will be I who earned the diploma.
Q: After I saw a misspelling on your website I knew I wouldn't hire you to do anything.
A: Well hello stranger. I'm sorry but I only do creative writing coaching. I stopped doing "anythings" about eight years ago.
Q: Why don't you work with writers of science fiction and fantasy?
A: I'm sorry but when I start reading about Grizzlerap, the king of the Grumkles stealing the orb of Framastat my mind wanders towards a true life story like "Why did Mike Fak strangle himself."
Q; My landlord is evicting me for non payment of rent. I need a really good letter talking him out of doing so. Can you help with this?
A: I'm sorry but your landlord already asked me to help draw up the eviction papers.
Q: I have an idea for a series of children's books about a puppy. I even have a friend who will be able to make a stuffed animal to help promote my series of books.
A: Well of course after several years the puppy won't be a puppy unless you use the Simpson's method of aging. I will give you credit for a positive attitude. You haven't written a book yet and you already have an action figure for toy shelves.
Q: Hey buddy. Boy it's been a while hasn't it. I was wondering if you would like to write political articles for the next year on the Presidential candidates for my blog.
A: Good to hear from you my friend. I hope all is well with the family. NO.
Q: I am a writer who just finished my first book and am attaching the first three chapters for your free critique of my story.
A: Thank you for the inquiry. I'm sorry but the copy of 8700 words you sent me is all one paragraph with no punctuation. The spellchecker also has more red and green on it than my Christmas tree does.
Q: I don't think you are a very good writer.
A: I never said I was a very good writer. I said I was good and cheap.
This Article has been viewed 1,499 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)You handled them well Mike. I couldn't have done better. LOLThank you my friend. Of course several of the answers were ones I would have liked to have said. Others were verbatim. We will leave as mysteries which were which. Thanks for reading. Mike
You don't like science fiction? FOR SHAME, MICHAEL!!Actually my favorite authors are Jules Verne, H.G. Wells and George Orwell so I do but not the stuff that is heavy on a complete fantasy world. I guess I'm just getting old. Thanks for reading Danny. I will await the release of your sci-fi thriller that no doubt will be computer oriented. Just call the lead character Ralph or something and not Dumbledorf or Bilbo. Mike
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.