False Teeth, the Final Chapter
Posted: Monday, January 28, 2008
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
Over the years I have received feedback on many things I have written. From gripes about politicians, or corruption or a utility company going amuck with consumer rates, I have written them all and I have received comments back regarding those tirades. Without a doubt the champion of feedback is my trilogy on deciding, and then getting false teeth. In fact, just last month I had a response to one of my stories that ran a full year ago on searchwarp.
I was lucky. I knew an old time denturist who understood it was better to have really good, natural looking teeth than those ridiculously perfect, super white ones that are like a neon sign saying, "Hey I'm fake."
There have been challenges and changes in my life because of these new choppers. I can't really say they are the nuts but I can say they beat the heck out of what I had.
I was a choco-holic. I could eat chocolate 24 hours a day but that has ground to a near halt. For some reason chocolate bars and false teeth just aren't compatible.
Super crunchy stuff, such as croutons, aren't very good for false teeth either. If just a little of one of those crumbs sneaks under the plate it feels like a boulder just got jammed into my mouth so I have said goodbye to those guys at salad time. My beloved pistachios also have fallen victim to my real teeth's demise. They just don't taste the same and they make such a mess that a big bag I got for Christmas sits in the pantry still almost full. I don't know but I think the law should require dentists tell people they might not be able to eat pistachios after they get their false teeth.
I always had a fondness for hotdogs and that has increased dramatically. Hotdogs are one of those snacks I can eat with or without my teeth so they come in handy when I can't remember where I put those darn things. I have to do better with that. I keep having this dream Jackson runs off with them and buries them in the litter box.
I do spend a great deal of time scrubbing the little devils to make them as good as they can be. My son laughs as he tells me he never saw me spend that much time on my real ones. I in turn explain the old ones weren't worth the effort. Nothing I could do to them or put on them including Muriatic acid would have made them look any good.
From time to time, people I haven't seen in a while stop me at a store or on the street and say, "Let's see." I give them a smile and they all have approved so far. Often people tell me, "If you hadn't told the world about this we might never know those teeth are fake." Of course if anyone knew me they would know since the human body doesn't grow new teeth to replace old nasty ones as time ages. I will someday ask God why he didn't give us the ability of a shark to just grow new teeth as needed. I wonder if the answer will be dentists are some of His most favorite people.
Sometimes I have some fun with family or friends who make too big a deal out of my new improved smile. At Christmas, a sister-in-law asked me to pose for a picture with my new smile. I told her if she wanted, I would give the teeth to her and I could take a picture of her with my new smile. She preferred I kept them in my head. The picture with my son was a dandy I must admit. It is framed and sits just to the left of my keyboard. All things considered, that picture makes the long summer's journey of being a mush mouth worth the grief. It is my most favorite picture in all the world. My son is smiling at me and I am smiling at him. I couldn't do that last year. Not without feeling embarrassed.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)hi mike, well, i can definitley relate. i had to get a full set for the tops, and a partial for the lowers, which will need a full one soon. I ate a piece of bread last night, and one of my last real teeth out of 6, came right out, leaving, of course, a nice sized hole in the front of my mouth! now, if i could just learn to eat with them! good article, best regards, sueThanks for sharing Sue. There are millions of us out there. Maybe a Toothless Anonymous club should be started. Mike
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