Warning Label Blunders in the News
Posted: Monday, December 17, 2007
by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com
The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse organization has just released their list of the dumbest warning labels of 2007. The group whose goal is to bring emphasis to the incredible deluge of frivolous lawsuits, offers cash prizes for people submitting the goofiest warning label they could find.
This year's first place award went to a man who found on his tractor the label, "Danger; Avoid Death". A good, solid maxim to follow for sure. Second place went to a T-shirt iron on company which figured it was important to give notice that, "Do not iron while wearing shirt". Now they tell me. At least that explains why I don't have any chest hair. The third place prize went to a baby stroller company that's stroller has a small diaper pouch on the back. It warns us, "Do not put child in pouch".
Warning, while swinging this hammer, do not stand directly in back of hammer thrusts.
Keep fingers, toes and various male appendages away from spinning saw blades.
Remove contents from metal can before eating.
Caution: When we say this is hot sauce we damn well mean it.
Warning: This silica packet is to ensure freshness of product. It is not a ravioli.
Danger: This product (a can of peanuts) contains peanuts which should not be eaten by people who have allergic reactions to peanuts.
Caution: Do not spray this product in your eye; since it removes up to five coats of paint it will make your eyeball colorless if you do.
Warning; this toaster is an electrical hazard when wet. Do not make toast while you are taking a bath.
Notice: This drain cleaner should not be consumed. The use of this product as a coffee additive is an urban legend.
Warning: Do not apply this bug killer on food. Unless you are having a cockroach casserole and some of it is still wiggling.
Caution: Do not place hands inside blender while in use.
Warning: This poison is poisonous to pets and people when ingested.
Warning: This lighter contains flammable gas under pressure. Make sure flame is out before returning to pocket or purse. Do not use to ignite cigarette stub if you have a large nose with flammable nose hairs.
Warning: Although this drug will clear up yellow nail fungus it can cause liver or kidney damage and make your face yellow…but your big toe will sure look good.
Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that pregnant women should not drink alcoholic beverages. Consumption of large doses of alcohol at office parties can also cause pregnancies.
Caution: This male enhancement product should not be taken by men with heart problems. Those of you who initially find out you have a heart problem after having sex all day are on your own.
Warning: If this product causes you to have an erection for more than four hours see an emergency room specialist. Do not stop to tell all the guys at the bar nor waste time going to the local photography studio to authenticate the event. In many cases, looking at a recent photo of mother-in-law can eradicate problem. It is also considered tacky to include such photos in your Christmas cards to friends and family.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)I never did understand that last one. What red-blooded American male would WANT one to go away?
Mike, I really enjoyed this article and it is so true. It seems we aren't allowed to take any responsibility anymore and we don't even have to think.Thanks for reading Anita. Yes, we are treated stupidly. perhaps it's because we need to be. We have become so litigation happy that everything needs to be spelled out. Thanks again. Mike
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