Mike Fak

A Flying Cow, Venison Revenge and a Little Wine Served up for Readers.



Posted: Thursday, November 08, 2007

by Mike Fak
http://mikefak.com

I know everyone is waiting for milk prices to start falling but this is ridiculous. In Manson Washington, a young, married couple had their minivan crushed when a 600-pound cow landed on the hood as they drove through the scenic area. The couple, on a one year anniversary vacation from their home in Westland Michigan, were at first shocked to the point they continued to drive almost a mile down the road before realizing the cow was not “moo-ving" off of their crunched vehicle anytime soon. I imagine the windshield wipers weren’t much help in pushing 600 pounds of bovine out of their field of vision either. The couple was unhurt but the cow, who had taken a swan dive off of a two hundred foot cliff, had to be euthanized. It is unknown what possessed the cow to take the plunge but some animal experts believe the cow might have been mad at all the talk about “when pigs fly’ and might have wanted to prove a point, although errantly it appears. The couple was taken to an area hospital just to make sure they were unhurt and sheriff’s deputies said they were lucky the cow didn’t take just one split second more to try and jump over the moon or they could have been seriously hurt or worse. I can imagine a person waiting their turn to enter the pearly gates because a cow fell on them would have their story considered “udder" nonsense even by St. Peter.

The headline almost read, “Bambi’s Revenge" but a father with a buck knife in a mano-on-deer wrestling match finally ended the stag’s rule as king of the forest. In Trumann Arkansas, youngsters taking part in the annual Fulton County Youth Hunt were almost bested when a deer, seeing they and their adult sponsor had laid down their guns were attacked by the six point stag. The hunters, who had just smoked another deer and were on their way to garner their trophy, were frozen in fear as the buck decided to take the youth hunt literally and had found some youths to hunt. The adult states that the deer was snorting and saying in deer language, “Let’s see how tough you are without your guns", as it charged the hunters. The adult, who wrestled with the stag until enough telling blows with the knife did the buck in said the animal’s last words were, “No fair using a knife." A park warden stated the deer might have been aggressive since it was rut season but the hunters advised my reporters the stag had anything but sex on his mind at the time of the attack. One youngster, who is believed to have actually been the cause of the attack, told his parents that would be the last time he uses deer urine as cologne on a hunt.

Although my last name is Croatian, I have a little Treacy, McGowan, Loftus and Delaney in my lineage and have always had a true love for the Irish. As a Catholic altar boy so many years ago, I can see how there can be a legitimate concern by priests of what might happen in the land of St. Patrick. It is reported that the Emerald Isle is debating decreasing the alcohol limit of drivers in that country even lower than the current .08 now considered the legal threshold while driving. This possible change in limits has Catholic priests concerned they might become lawbreakers on Sundays since they spend a great deal of that day offering masses, sometimes in several towns and villages The Irish Catholic Church has been going through shortages of priests, as has the rest of the world so in some cases it has become necessary for these men of God to offer up the Eucharist three or more times a day. The Catholic ritual which signifies the turning of bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ uses a cruet of wine in the ceremony and that’s where the trouble might be for priests. Some priests are concerned they might become technically drunk if they work too many masses on any given Sunday. Recalling quite succinctly, I remember some priests used just a smidgen of wine from the cruet during mass. Others like Father K. emptied the flask and kept a 55 gallon drum of Christian Brother’s Brandy in the sacristy to help keep the edge off before and after the service. One Irish priest, who chose not to be named, stated that wine prepared for the mass should be consumed and throwing it away would be blasphemous. That of course was my thinking for years.

Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com

Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com

Mike now offers a 26,000 word e-book on making money as a freelance writer for only $10.00 at this page. http://www.mikefak.com/id45.html
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
» left by Anonymous
 4 years 173 days ago.
I really enjoyed reading this article, Mike. I think you have a gift for words and are able to piece them together in humorous ways that readers very much enjoy. Thank you for all the articles. I look forward to reading more!
» left by Justine Musgrave
 4 years 173 days ago.
2 fans.
Sorry, that previous comment was by me I just forgot to add my name in. :)
» left by 4 years 173 days ago.
Thanks for reading Justine. It is greatly appreciated.
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