Mike Fak

The Television Wasteland Part lll. Shopping Networks and Infomercials



Posted: Monday, October 02, 2006

by
http://mikefak.com

This is the last in my series on television. Oh, there could be a great deal more grousing about all the inane shows we get to pay top money to see but I think it’s time to put the typewriter away on this issue and focus on something more important than television, like worrying about an asteroid hitting the Earth.

With that being said, here is my final diatribe on the electronic wasteland we have all become so enamored with.

I don’t understand how these jewelry shows on the shopping networks continue to rake in millions and millions of dollars. There are some of them that aren’t too bad. Some of the programs offer necklaces made out of ball bearings painted to look like pearls. Since they’re only charging $39.95, I don’t see any harm in that. A person buying their own ball bearings and a can of spray paint would almost spend that much anyway. What really frosts me, are these shows that have this gaudy, junky, looking stuff, and offer it for only $2000 or $3000 which is only half what its worth. Sure. And the plastic decoder ring I got in a 1959 box of Rice Crispies is worth a fortune too.

I love how these swank looking people brag how this ring or these earrings are such a bargain that will probably never be available again in our lifetime. One could only hope. They always give a caret weight, of course, as if that makes the crummy thing worth a month’s pay.

The stones are always these new gemstones that until a few years ago, weren’t even considered gemstones. There are the “junkmolines’ and the “Craptonites" and don’t forget to buy something made out of a “Buckeyazite" since they are getting harder and harder to find. In the back yard I found a three hundred caret raccoon dropping and I’m offering it for half its normal value on E-Bay.

While we are on lousy television, let’s not forget all these infomercials selling stuff that any television station with a conscience wouldn’t allow on the airways. There are all these pretend talk shows pushing so many garbage things that I can’t believe the FCC allows this to happen.

Before every telecast, there is a disclaimer of course, noting that the station doesn’t back the product nor offer any endorsement of the outlandish claims that are about to be presented. That’s bull. If you don’t believe the program is telling the truth and isn’t actually offering something of worthwhile value, then you have a responsibility of not airing the show.

Television doesn’t allow dope dealers or counterfeiters to advertise, yet they allow people to sell a pill they claim will make you lose pounds while you’re standing at a buffet line waiting for a new vat of fried chicken to come out.

Let us not forget all the books and tapes that are guaranteed to make you a millionaire. If these books and tapes actually worked, why isn’t everyone in America filthy rich…like say the television stations and the people selling this crap?

In the real world someone who profits off of another’s crime can be arrested as either an accessory to the fact or charged with “aiding and abetting" a crime. Not in T.V. land. Here, the stations run the ads for big bucks and then when one of these con artists finally gets arrested and prosecuted, the station runs the information on their nightly news and tells people they should be skeptical of businesses like these. What hypocrisy.

You know, all of this makes me want to reach behind my set and just pull the plug on it for good. But I can’t right now. The Discovery channel is running a program on when we can expect to get hit by a life ending chunk of rock floating around in outer space. I need to find out if I have to send my mortgage payment in or can I just wait to get sent to oblivion with the smug enjoyment of knowing I didn’t spend money I didn’t have to.

Freelance writer, columnist, author and writing coach, ex-Chicagoan Mike Fak presently resides in Central Illinois. More information about Mike's services are available at his home website www.mikefak.com

Mike currently writes primarily humor columns for searchwarp bi-weekly and is the managing editor of www.lincolndailynews.com

Mike now offers a 26,000 word e-book on making money as a freelance writer for only $10.00 at this page. http://www.mikefak.com/id45.html
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)
» left by David Tanguay
from Jennings,Fl. 5 years 56 days ago.
Good article Mike, a quote I just heard this morning, which applies to America ‘Business is our business” whatever we seem to get involved with either holidays, war, or what have you the businessmen are right there. Television commercials are so sly they deserve an Emmy for such a good performance. But believe it or not, they get through to us jerks.
» left by 5 years 54 days ago.
You are right. The reason we all get bilked is because we are dumb enough to make these crooked ventures profitable. Thanks Mike
» left by Anonymous
 5 years 50 days ago.
I agree with some of what you are saying, especially about the jewelry infomercials. Weight loss and making money ads are also overly hyped up. But regarding this: "if this stuff really worked, everyone would be a millionairre." The truth? Most people are too lazy to actually do anything with what they buy. Especially when it comes to weight loss or making money. This stuff keeps selling cause these people want a magic button to solve all of life's problems without any effort.
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